The Conspiracy of Friday the 13th

Today Ladies and Gentlebeings is the infamous friday the 13th. But what makes this day so known, what foul deed of history are people always bringing up on this day? It is not the lunar landing for certain, or the zombies, or indeed even the lies and travesties of so called "light" or "diet" products. It is the bad luck and misfortune that is rumoured to follow this day.

Every single time something bad happens on this day, it is forever remembered and brought up.  People speak as like this is the only day in the year when bad luck follows them and every other day of the year is truly blessed. Well I say nay, this is not so. Just last week, on a regular wednesday night was when I slipped in the bathroom and banged my knee. And the week before that I tripped on a pile of rock and tumbled backwards into a rose bush on an average thursday. Yes, statistically a friday is the most dangerous day of the week but to be honest, you should fear the whole of January.

Winter, the thrice cursed cur, ups any accident statistic, but January is the worst offender. June might be devious and deceitful but January is the one month that should be stricken from the books. I say let us forget friday the 13th and take up arms against January, for it is the true enemy. Forget the zombies banging at the door, put down those fireaxes and get out the gasoline. Lets heat up the athmosphere till there is no more winter. Let us boil the seas and be free of the cold. For the January must be utterly destroyed.


EDITOR'S NOTE: WRITER P. is not allowed to write on a full moon again, especially if it's friday the 13th. Next time call up WRITER L.