ESP to be included in the Union?

The Psychics Union has entered negotiations for including all ESP capable people under their work union. The negotiations are overshadowed by the fact no ESP capable people have been discovered so far. The palmistry division is claiming that the union is jumping the gun, while the crystal ball users are predicting the rise of the new world order as the telepaths will emerge from the common folk. The Tarot division keeps drawing the Two of Swords.

In other news, Elvis has been spotted yet again at Kauppatori, chasing the seagulls that stole his food. You'd think he had learned by now to watch out for the flying pirates of the shores.

'Armed assault encouraged' is what fandom says

As yet another brutal scene was experienced some time ago by fans of the author George R.R. Martin, the people on Tumblr are rallying in arms. The fans of Steven Moffat and Joss Whedon are incensed about the continual violence against fully formed characters in their fandoms. Continued unrest is to be expected untill the television seasons held hostage are released.

The most dangerous fandom of them all, followers of BBC's Sherlock, have been seen building sacrificial altars for their gods Moffat and Gatis and been noted to have been buying Klingon self help books on killing gods.

Aliens sighted

Aliens were yet again sighted at the largest mall around. Early fall fashion seems to lean toward leopard prints and metallic orange Nikon cameras this year. These fashion icons are usually spotted only at the heights of the tourist seasons, as they can operate more easily in crowds of tired tourists who don't give a crap.

Alien tourism has been on the rise since last year, many believe it coincides with Voyager 1's departure from the solar system, seeing it as a big advertisement sign to come visit the sights and spend some money. This will be confirmed as a viable way to advertise in space, if when the Voyager 2 leaves the solar system we see a similar spike in alien sightings.

The Zombie Apolcalypse, already happened

Did you notice, about two years ago, when all stupid people got just a tiny bit smarter? That's when it happened. It seems that the zombie virus only affected stupid people and as zombies, they were actually more intelligent and tolerable than as humans.

Fear of increased violence not happening!!

As the tightening anti-smoking laws increase, and the smokers are driven to the edges of society, more and more smokers find themselves as unlikely targets of violence. As we did not report last week, there have been no attack on smokers by gangs of elementary school students. The news team waits patiently by the windows but so far no smoker has been attacked durin the daylight. The campaign against the toxic cigarette butts has not made any comments, as we have not asked any, about the likelihood of assaults from the city's anti-smokers.

The doctor's association, with the support of the asthma association, strongly encourages even more stricter laws. As this news writer waits with a bored air, nothing is happening as we speak.

People still smoke on the local railway station's platforms despite the sign and the increasingly dirty glares from my sister. Maybe I should get her a tazer...

Next up, why are the bus companies and the public mass transit hiring people with no driving licenses! Also, why cats are not awesome!